Solace

"This moment won't last forever" was his statement of comfort to a woman-child who desired to be rescued by her father from her mother. Needless to say a father teaching impermanence to a woman-child who only understood separation, distance and difference was unsuccessful in providing solace. The moment didn't last forever and she continued to record the moments he left her there in this space fighting not her mother but her fear. In her difference of opinion, the separation between where she was and where she was trying to get to, the distance lead her to a vision in her mind. This fight...this fear... this fertile ground she found no numbers of people to affirm only what she knew to resonate as the courage to be individually human. There were mental constructs of places and times she was joined on the tangents she navigated. Not all prepare for death despite the fact it resides in the same place of the living. It didn't last forever but she welcomed what came. The messages, reflections, random pages of books and even he... her father in his own way advised to live dangerously with compassion because all you really have is right now.

Ne Me Quitte Pas

He had already left and there were no more tears to betray her hidden emotion. There would be no more waiting or hoping. She did not cave over from the piercing that penetrated her heart. Her breath shallow near absent. She placed the phone at the base of the bed and walked out onto the endless possibilities of her life. There on the ledge of her death and birth she whispered "Ne Me Quitte Pas" as she held tight to the night. In the midst of unbareable silence she heard a soft knocking then the opening of the front door. She listened for the traveling of footsteps but detected none. She turned her back but Courage whispered "face it". She failed to move Courage whispered "face it". The wind restless touched her, gently tugged causing her to look over her right shoulder. There as if her mother gaped open breathing hard, she saw herself whole, complete and loved.

Deep Waters (hear the song)

Her love was....
always in that place where they merged
she open and vast
invasive whispers held tight to the sounds made
strumming mirrors reflect the yearning that walked in
reachning for anything and everything that space made no room
for in places defined as logic
mositure gathered to affirm the living
this place boundless
peeling back skin of moments spent
to never be more than what is
duality searching for where one ends and the other begins
submerged in liquid air.... breathing
wind waiting to be acknowledged as visible
her love was

4 AM

Awoke alone on a bed of wavering words, the city lights blinked in the distance from her window while passing sirens spoke of the alarm just outside. They sent words using cell phones as a conduit to reach her, not tribal rhythms that evoked her spirit into dance. She wondered which of them had the courage to love her beyond the quest of touch and did their minds lurk of enough imagination to her anew.  "Love me".... " I want you" .... "Have a good night"..... She could appreciate the lyrical vulnerability that was offered but without action it sounded like the distant clanking of a wavering flag. It doesn't go unacknowledged but who concentrates on it for long. She was complicated and head strong. Old women would warn such disposition would leave her like them, old women remembering spent moments that were not as infinite as their life spans. She was not any different in her longing but her love was KING. 

Awoke

She awoke stretched across morning
skin bare touches fuchsia
her reach summoned Hugh Masakela makin'
that choo choo sound of Stimela way in South Africa
She thought of her land, the tongue of James Baldwin
He found her girl, strong, determined and ready to fly
Mama never told her she had wings
Papa had no say when never there
James, he found her dreaming
while Coltrane meditated on Naima
and the magic of light aroused from darkness

See she awoke stretched acrossed morning
skin bare touches fuchsia
Her mental reach left her sometimes dangling
between the space of the moon
and the spell it evoked over the sea
She Ogun's daughter
Her spirit a jewel men marvel
but tire in the quise of loving minning
while Billie's heart still aches

She bare skin fuchsia touches
Stretched .... Awoke
said "Good morning, I'm glad to be here."

(Written by Lorraine McCall 6/30/09)

My love... for James Baldwin

Hugh Masekala - Coal Train

Your Fear vs. Your Love

I was scared too but I never let my fear abandon you. I turned my fear into the protection I would give when you could not. I made it into a balm to offer comfort when you were wounded. I was scared too but I never let it stop me from believing in you and your potential. I faced you after I lay with that white man in order to save your life. I willed my milk to be the poison that nursed his youth. I was scared too but not enough to release my memory of you as King and commit to adore you as such. I scared too while shackled about the neck and wrist wishing my death yet living for the seeds we brought forth. After all this time, I still find you running. Did you not hear me crying? Did you not witness my tears? Did I not express my need? Am I wrong to love you? I question if I should continue to for what I have accomplished in this love than aiding you to walk away and never look back in concern about my plight alone. I scared for the generations of our babies that act out because you were missing. My sons given false Gods to measure themselves to because you were not there for them to model after. Please tell me of this love... your love that your tongue confesses but the absence of actions contradict. You suffer from the lost of courage... how unnerving to hear you stopped fighting once you were caught. My heart does not curse you. It prays for you. It prays that you shall always have the courage to never surrender.